Special Birthday? Surprisingly yes.

 

So, here I am, actually writing a real birthday post on my birthday for once. I started doing this ‘tradition’ or habit of writing a post regarding my birthday since I have a blog and I intend to honor my promise now.

And hey, no class and water is coming back after 3 days of fitful water. So for the first time of my birthday, I am actually thankful.

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So, people always says 21 is the turning point, a time when a boy becomes mature and evolve (Pokemon?) to a man. I don’t particularly care.

I know for sure I am going to graduate soon. I am moving to a workplace environment soon. I will most probably move to another country soon. That seems like a much bigger milestone than a tiny teeny birthday.

..and I am scared. No, worried and anxious will be a better word. Worried, so un-sexy word.

I am going to give a testimony about how God has affect my decisions, and I really don’t know what to say. It’s sad; have I really never include God in my making decisions or those are just insignificant enough to be remembered?

I plan to rectify that. I don’t know how, but I guess as I try, God will help to figure out the rest.

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Twenties is really the time of confusion. But it’s also been the best time of my life. And I really thank God for it.

And though I am really worried about the future, I am learning to trust God with it. So in a midst of worries, I am also excited what God has in plan for me.

Here hoping for a great future. With God, always with God, never forget that.

Holiday and Some

What’s up peeps? (Don’t mumble on your screen, I can’t hear you) Anyway, that’s just polite small talk, I don’t really care, I just want to talk about my own holiday. And well, my holiday is sadly, almost over.

It’s been a memorable holiday, really. Not a lot of things can pull that off—creating remarkable memory, enough to know that I will miss it for years to come.

It’s scary how fast time is moving when you are having fun; but despite all the fun I had, there is a certain weight, a looming burden that seemingly out of sight, but is there, definitely there, its presence buzzing steadily, vaguely.

It’s like whisper of, “enjoy it man, because it might be for the last.”

I guess that’s as close as enjoy-for-last-time-before-dying experience that I could get.

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Maybe there is pain because of struggling by our unbelieving.

Oh well, faith is not my strong point—although maybe once it was, when I still had the innocence and naiveté of a child.

Maybe I should learn to trust in God.

How? That is the question, isn’t it?

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Coming home leaves me with a mixed feeling. It feels more like a duty, a responsibility, rather than a joy. But my room, my old room, is the real place when I can truly be alone. And despite my quietness in home (or in anywhere, realistically speaking), I know that home is the real place I can run to, and my parents are the people that I can really rely on no matter what.

And that was it. Maybe I will never share my problems with them, but knowing that there always be a place when I am welcomed is comforting enough.

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Back to the land where everything is not so angsty, my holiday is definitely great.

Going to different places in West Malaysia, doing a lot of things for the first time, spending time with wonderful friends, 38-ing around (to be fair, I do it all the time, not just on holiday, but oh well). It’s the most activity-packed holiday I ever had.

There is still 3 days left of my holiday. And I am going to squeeze out as much as I can.

So yeah, till next time!

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Note: Far from what I am aiming for. Oh well.

Note2: I am not always so angsty, but I write best in emo mood. So yeah.

In Logic, Faith and Everything in Between.

So many thoughts in my mind. Too lazy to process them all. That’s what I get for overworking my brain for days.

On the brighter side, my assignments all been submitted. On the not-so-bright side, most of them are half-assed and rushed. On the definitely not bright side, I almost finish my semester already. Why do time move so fast? Is he learning how to teleport already? Sorry, if it is lame. Hah, like I really care.

When I said in the last post that it feels like a year of challenge, I mean it only mentally. Brain, knowledge, self-development, those things that are definitely pale in comparison. What I don’t expect is the challenge of my spiritual life.

Ah, faith, you significant but yet often unnoticed, you magnificent little thing. You are the embodiment of my Achilles heel. I’ve been returning to the basic questions of faith. I’ve been using logic to examine faith.

But logic VS faith is always an interesting question. Does logic has a place in a religion? Can they go hand-in-hand or will they always oppose each other?

Maybe I’ve thinking about things that I can never hope to understand. To bite more than I can chew, figuratively and mentally.But we, the totally awesome INTP, are the truth-seeker. We don’t get the moniker for nothing.

And somehow I know, though I will always wish to have more faith, I will always continue to doubt and questioning. And that is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s the way of my growth. God will not give human logical ability if He don’t want us to use it.

But then again, the most resounding question that Jesus asked is: 

When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?

It will always be the question that comes back to me when I’m questioning God and faith and Christianity. Will I be one of those whom He can find faith in?

To close off, this post basically has written itself (writer cliché?). At first I just wanted to whine about how tired I am, but this is the result that come out. Maybe it’s my brain rebelling because I’ve push him too far.

And if this sounds depressing, well, I don’t care. Read at your own discretion, yo. Continue to grow. Live and learn.

..yeah