Friday, January 7, 2011

Suicide Discussion, Logic and Thought

Disclaimer: No, I don’t want to commit suicide. Not now. Not in foreseeable future. And hopefully not ever. Now that’s been cleared, let us continue.

I bring to you one sad suicide case of Bill Zeller. To quote Gizmodo introduction:

Zeller was a victim of sexual and psychological abuse. It's clear from his writing that the abuse left him unable to interface with the world in any way that didn't leave him feeling he was too sullied to have the same experiences that he thought others had. He had a self-described "darkness", which despite his prostration it's clear he handled more ably than perhaps he ever realized.

Programming was a solace, but only temporarily. Zeller never felt he could escape the things that had happened to him because he carried his torment with him everywhere.

Go read it before we discuss about it.

It’s sad. It shouldn’t end this way. But to a degree, I do understand what he’s talking about. Some of you may just wave him as stupid, emo, etc. Don’t. Just don’t. Let’s just say if that’s your opinion, you have never experienced his pain.

If you read his last words until the end, you will see his reasons, his logic. And believe me when I say there is a simple logic for understanding people who commit suicide. They feel their whole life is just a big misery. Pain that never ends. And every time they try to imagine their future, there is no happiness. There is no future that they want to live in.

Bill Zeller believe even his existence hurt people around him because of his inability to trust, to bond, to love. And when someone is considering suicide, they can only thought about people who will be hurt when they die irresponsibly. But what if they hate their family? What if they hate their friends? Or to quote Zeller himself:

People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two.

And for those who believe that when human die they just cease to exist, it’s a logical conclusion to commit suicide, right? There will be no pain. No hurt. Nothing. Just… stop existing.

I don’t know, Zeller. I don’t know you but I think your words will sadden me even until the far future. I believe in after-life. And the sad thing is, I don’t think Zeller’s pain will stop because of his suicide.

Now, I’m definitely not an expert in psychology. I never dealt with this kind of pain. I have never been abused, psychologically or physically. I lived in a quite happy family, get a fairly good grade, and not living in poverty. Much luckier than many people, I know. The only real pain I ever known is teenage-angst and the sense of losing life’s purpose. Even then I know I’ve never been truly alone.

So please. If you’ve ever known someone who wants to commit suicide, don’t scorn, don’t insult, don’t look down. Don’t say they are stupid or anything. What they need is understanding. Love. If you truly have nothing good to say, do everybody a favor and shut up.

And for those who have ever have a suicide thought or even having suicidal thought now, all I can say is, please, things always got better. In one way or another, there is always a better future. Certainly, it won’t be easy. Heck, to some, it won’t even be hard. For some, it’s almost impossible. But don’t give up. And may you someday realize that in the end, you are never truly alone.

So, do you, readers, have something to share, something to discuss, something to add or disagree with? Share in comment.